


The Night Is Fractured

by sentimatra



Category: The 100
Genre: Angst, F/F, Female Character of Color, Freeform, Gen, I don't know i just like using 2nd person a lot b/c of possiblist's works, POV Second Person, Princess Mechanic, Raven Reyes-centric, Season 2 compliant, Skaikru, in which bellamy and octavia and raven look up at the sky, kinda sad more thought focused, meditative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 12:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4625379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimatra/pseuds/sentimatra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are trying to cling onto anger that's long left you because you don't know how to accept the empty space that Clarke once occupied.</p>
<p>If you're acknowledging that she carved out a space in your heart despite it all.</p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>"The one where Raven gets in her feelings."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Night Is Fractured

**Author's Note:**

> I'm visiting my parents and my internet went out so I took the time to finish a drabble that originally started out as just Raven interacting with Abby. I hope this flows well.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

After Finn's passing, after Clarke rescues your people and doesn't return you think you could maybe be better now, right? _Feel_ better, you mean, because she was the one to tear you and Finn apart, she DID deal the final blow.

Who made her judge and jury?

Even as you think these things though, you feel funny in your chest, as if a hand is pushing hard on your breastbone, _"Stop"_ , it says. You are trying to cling onto anger that's long left you because you don't know how to accept the empty space that Clarke once occupied.

If you're acknowledging that she carved out a space in your heart despite it all.

-

You stop sleeping with Wick. It got less and less pleasurable when you remember that the same arms that hold you also carried you out of the Mountain Men's base and you still can't find it within yourself to stop pushing people away. You feel like you are cheating him by taking his kindness because it is not _his_ kindness you want.

"This isn't healthy," he says, eyes weary. And you agree.

He's still beside you in the lab working on improvements for the camp, even helping you draft crutches (no matter how crappy his initial designs for them, they work well as a base for your improvements).

When he mentions designs for a wheelchair you go still and silent and don't move until he changes the subject.

\--

Abby is...a bit vacant without Clarke. She goes through the motions of being "in-charge" but there are less hard-pressing decisions now that your biggest enemies have been made scarce. So, like you, she busies her hands with what she knows best: healing the injured, administering medicine, etc. You wonder about Jaha, if he's found his Promised Land...if there's a land of milk and honey where you don't have to watch Bellamy barely shoulder the ghosts of the Mountain. Where you don't have to hear Monty and Jasper get closer to being Cain and Abel than you'd like.

When you empty out your reservoir of tasks for the day, you usually go to see the former Head Medical Examiner. She'll ask how your legs are (and you'll ask about hers) and she'll clasp your hand in both of hers like you might disappear, like you're the second child she doesn't want to lose. Sometimes she'll tell you stories about young Clarke; about the year that Clarke turned twelve years old, and Abby noticed her skeletal charts and nerve charts disappearing over the week.

She didn't know where they went until she did her weekly homework check through Clarke's backpack; the charts were stashed at the back of Clarke's bag.

_Clarke had hastily shown her the replica drawings she'd made in her sketchbook._

_"I was going to give them back yesterday, I just. Forgot."_

_Abby sighed and kissed her on the head. She'd make copies for Clarke later that day, throwing in some new ones just to see Clarke's eyes light up. Abby's husband had always remarked that he didn't see many kids with the same drive as Clarke, that she was meant for something special._  
  
How right he was.

Abby longed for the innocent child Clarke had been. But just when she'd begun accepting that Clarke's innocence was too deeply descimated, her daughter's figure was gone as well.

You tell Abby, Clarke is still Clarke despite Mount Weather. That she'd always come back to her. You remind her in the times that she's been separated from her daughter, Clarke has always found her way back to her mother. Even through her anger and frustration, she prioritzes those close to her.  
  
_"Don't worry, Bellamy, Raven will take care of you."  
_  
You realize that even through _your_ anger, you prioritized Clarke.  
  
You shake your head and bring yourself back to the present, gripping Abby's hand tighter.

        "She'll be back," you say, and you aren't sure if you're speaking from the truth in your heart or wishful thinking.

\--

You and Octavia talk more now, always outside. You want to feel like you're still in charge of your body and nature always makes you feel closer to that. You sit with your back against the oak of a tree near the border of the camp, Octavia next to you plucking up dandelions from the grass with short twists of her wrists. She's undone maybe half of the braids in her hair, face paint cleaned off. Lincoln frequents the camp so she still has that "unofficial" tie to the Grounders, to Indra, but he's as much of a Grounder now as Octavia. An outcast again.

You watch the set of Octavia's jaw, when she starts talking about Clarke at Mt. Weather. Her voice halts and starts again as she tries to speak through her frustration. It turns into exasperation, maybe even pity.

         "She was already cracking when I met her in the tunnels. She was acting irrational...I honestly didn't think she'd be able to make that difficult of a decision, with or without my brother there. I didn't think much of her leadership since TonDC though...I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't sympathize with choosing family over everything."

          You snort, "With Lexa she got doubly fucked up." You knock your head back on the bark of the oak. "I didn't trust that bitch from the beginning... _mierda_ ," you curse.

The honorary grounder hums a noise that sounds like an agreement, the topic making you both decidedly less cheerful.

When night falls, Bellamy joins you and Octavia out on the grass underneath a patch of the sky that glitters with stars. Monty passes by to ask about Jasper, weariness in the lines under his eyes. You haven't seen him in a couple of days so he's probably still in mourning hunting in the woods.  _Or_ he's trying to find Clarke in the woods to seek some sort of twisted revenge but you don't think he'd go to all that trouble. Would he? You tell Monty the former and his mouth twists into a grimace before he nods and walks away.

Octavia lies on your right and Bellamy on your left. It should be awkward, having slept with him in the intimate sense before but you're sure the collective "Mountain Trip" will completely overpower any sense of awkwardness about anything for a while.

          "Why does Earth hate us so much?" Bellamy groans, throwing his forearm over his eyes.

          "It isn't 'Earth'. It's the beings. They've adapted, we're only just starting to, " Octavia replies with the short tone that she'd adopted from being around Indra.

          "Okay, 'Heavy-Metal Pocahontas'. We get it. _Survival of the fittest_ ," you tease, mocking the deepness of Indra's voice. She shoves you lightly.

          "I hate that phrase so much," Bellamy replies.

You shrug. Because the phrase isn't _not_ true.

You force your mind to focus on the constellations, how they stretch out before you on this reborn Earth. You focus on the fact that you have now seen the celestial bodies from both above and below. How insignificant your worries must be to the stars. You'll never be sure of their location, knowing the light-years you'd have to travel to get there while they're still alive. If they were still alive.

           "‘The night is fractured'," you mutter, "'and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’".

You remember reciting part of the poem for a class exercise. The rest of it wasn't as relevant for you to dictate to the class but you remember bits and pieces that make you bite your lip to keep from frowning.

             You feel Octavia give you a strange look, hear her prop herself up on her elbow looking down at you. "You read Neruda, Raven?"

            "A couple of his poems. Yes?" you reply, mocking her surprise. " What? You think mechanics don't read?"

She rolls her eyes at you and shakes her head. 

          "Raven, no. Shut up. That wasn't what I meant. Bell would read me some of those poems when I was younger. That was from one of them, wasn't it?"

You nod, forgetting if she's even looking at you in the darkness and it turns into another shrug instead, your arm brushing against her elbow. You remember the title, the book it was from, too. Maybe the rest of the words appealed to your subconscious, the part that knew true love wasn't your mother ignoring you in favor of a bottle. That love itself was a little messy; it was that person taking up home in your heart.

          "Who knew Raven was such a sentimental soul?" Bellamy rumbles and you elbow him in his ribs.

          "At least I didn't read them to my baby sister. Yikes. What, did you not have access to enough _Shel Silverstein_ that you had to read _grown-up_ poetry to a kid???"

          Octavia snorts and Bellamy sighs out a, "Something like that." But no more.

The comfortable silence stretches out enough for your ears to hone in on the crickets and the other buzzing of bugs in the foliage around you. A cool breeze brushes across your face, rustles the leaves and tall grass. Octavia's voice slides into the silence, tone smooth, enunciation clear.

           "'The night wind turns in the sky and sings.'"

  
_'I can write the saddest lines tonight,'_ you quote the next sentence in your head. Your thoughts are straying where you don't want them to stray but you aren't exactly going to tell the Blake siblings to shut up. There's no energy in you for that tonight. Stopping yourself from feeling anything is so tiring because you feel too much.

             Bellamy unexpectedly responds, "'Hear the vast night, vaster without her. Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.'"

And Octavia sort of grumbles because she knows and _you_ know that he skipped ahead too far but, the woman in the poem has too easily melted into the girl you all know.

You're scared to even think the next lines because, up until this point in your life...up until you got out of that crashed ship on Earth, the words just weren't relevant.

Knowing someone you loved would never come back because they were dead was one terrible thing. Knowing that someone so...significant to you was out there and _might_ be dead or alive and alone was another. The words tumble out your mouth and you finish the poem.

            "'What does it matter that I couldn't keep her,'" you steady your voice, you're sure, but Octavia lays her head on your shoulder so there must have been a tremor somewhere.

Octavia angles her body towards you and Bellamy sighs and folds his arms against his chest. They don't seem to want to complete it, because it would be acknowledging too much. Your brain is too ready to fill in the blank. You bite down on your tongue and shut your eyes, an afterimage of the Big Dipper burning bright against the insides of your eyelids.

  


_'The night is fractured_

_and she is not with me.'_

 

-

**Author's Note:**

> The poem that is quoted from in this work is "I Can Write the Saddest Lines Tonight" by Pablo Neruda. I'm pooling a bunch of his works + others for inspiration for another (hopefully) longer Clarke x Raven-thing I'm writing so don't be surprised if this poem pops up along with others in the rest of my fic for them.
> 
> I apologize for any inaccuracies with where they are hemisphere-wise in relation to the stars and just any inaccuracies in general or OOC-ness. I will try to do better in the next story.
> 
> I'm sentimatra on tumblr as well!


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